Rewind a little... (part 4 - Going downhill)

The ambulance transfer was awful. It was so painful to lie on the bed so I got them to sit me up as much as possible and I held onto the handrail to lift me up as much as possible.

I then had a panic attack. Sitting in the ambulance, it all came back to me the last time I was in an ambulance about 5 years ago when I was quite ill and took an overdose.  That was a horible dark time and somewhere I didnt want to go back to. I couldnt breathe and just cried and cried. This was a miserable time and I just wanted my husband with me, but he was following in the car.

Once at hospital, it was just as I expected. Made to lie on my back with a monitor to check our heartbeats meant the contractionand s were awful. I quickly had an epidural but they didnt get the fact that I needed to time to sit up let my hips adjust due to the pelvic pain from pregnancy. I felt rushed to try and 'relax' so they could get the needle in when in reality I was so tense trying to let my bones adjust. The anaesthetist seemed to take forever and took three attemps to get the line in my back. Even after all that the epidural wasnt how I expected and I definitely needed gas and air for each contraction.

They broke my waters and there was merconium in them, which was not the best sign. It all became a bit of a blur after that. We kept looking at the clock and were being told you will definitely have a baby today rather than it slipping into my birthday. Not that I minded but as a child im sure you want your own special day. But the time ticked by, I was fully dilated but so tired. Baby was not lined up properly, most likely not helped by all the lying on my back, and any pushing was not successful. The heartbeat was getting really low, almost non existant when pushing, and we had to go to theatre. At this point I was almost wishing for a caesarean and was beyond caring about any hopes I had for a home water birth. All I do rememeber was crying. A lot. That, and asking if I could go home now. Not my finest hour.

So in theatre, they topped up the epidural for pain relief and finally it worked how I always thought it should. I was told it was 5 times stronger that I had been given already but that they were preparing in case we did have to switch to an emergency caesarean. Luckily they didnt have to in then end. I had continued to push while they were getting ready for theatre and on the journey there. I think I was actually more successful at this without all the shouted instructions and just being left to get on with it. I then had what the midwife described as one of the most straight forward forceps deliveries she had seen, and that my extra pushing had really moved things forward. At least I could do one thing right.