As if not being pregnant anymore is not enough, my body wont let go of the hormones and, though they obviously arent rising anymore, they are just not decreasing.
I have a hospital appointment tomorrow to check what is left and figure out my options for getting the rest to come out. Why does the timing have to be so bad? I dont want to have the rest of my miscarriage while having christmas dinner and pretending to be all jolly as the mince pies are passed around. I just want to hide away and wait for it all to be over.
Thursday 22 December 2011
Sunday 18 December 2011
It was all too good to be true
I really dont want to be writing this, especially this close to christmas where everyone is all happy and cheery.
We obviously werent meant to have this baby and I have lost it at 6 weeks. What a Christmas present!?! This is the exact same time that last year we found out our first IVF didnt work and I vowed not to do anything like that again at this time of year. You need time to get your head around these sorts of things, not plunge yourself into visting relatives and going to christmas parties.
Our family dont even know that we did a second IVF and it failed, let alone that we miraculously fell pregnant straight after it. So how do I even start to explain that im not full of the christmas spirit because we just had a miscarriage?
What really was the point of life giving us that little bit of hope for such a short time? I just feel empty, broken, messed around and cheated.
We obviously werent meant to have this baby and I have lost it at 6 weeks. What a Christmas present!?! This is the exact same time that last year we found out our first IVF didnt work and I vowed not to do anything like that again at this time of year. You need time to get your head around these sorts of things, not plunge yourself into visting relatives and going to christmas parties.
Our family dont even know that we did a second IVF and it failed, let alone that we miraculously fell pregnant straight after it. So how do I even start to explain that im not full of the christmas spirit because we just had a miscarriage?
What really was the point of life giving us that little bit of hope for such a short time? I just feel empty, broken, messed around and cheated.
Thursday 8 December 2011
I really am pregnant!
Its all confirmed! First HCG blood test was 475 on day 28 and second was 625 on day 30. So its continuing to rise and we conceived on the cycle immediately after our second failed IVF.
I am so excited but trying to reserve my real excitement until we have seen a healthy baby and heartbeat on a scan. Then I might actually explode!!!!!!!!!!
I am so excited but trying to reserve my real excitement until we have seen a healthy baby and heartbeat on a scan. Then I might actually explode!!!!!!!!!!
Monday 5 December 2011
Goodness me I might be pregnant!
Yes thats right! Im in shock, im confused, I have no idea how this has happened!!!
I thought I was on day 12 of a cycle after a ridiculously short 16 day cycle following IVF which I assumed was an after affect of the IVF drugs messing up my system. But things were a little odd like having wrong signs for the first part of a cycle and so I did a pregnancy test to rule that out, fully expecting like every other test it would be negative.....but it wasnt!!!!!
So what did I do? 7 more tests!!! All positive.
I dont know if the IVF did work but didnt show on the testing day and then I bled. Or, that it was the first cycle straight after IVF and the bleed at day 17 was not a proper period. Well it cant have been either way!!
My head is spinning. The bleed is not good so trying not to get hopes up. Went to the doctors this morning and tipped the tests onto her desk and managed to mutter "I think im pregnant....how did that happen?" I had to do another test and then have a blood test. Having another test in two days time to see if HCG is rising and confirm whether it is a continuing pregnancy and hopefully estimate how far along.
Goodness goodness goodness me!!!!!
I thought I was on day 12 of a cycle after a ridiculously short 16 day cycle following IVF which I assumed was an after affect of the IVF drugs messing up my system. But things were a little odd like having wrong signs for the first part of a cycle and so I did a pregnancy test to rule that out, fully expecting like every other test it would be negative.....but it wasnt!!!!!
So what did I do? 7 more tests!!! All positive.
I dont know if the IVF did work but didnt show on the testing day and then I bled. Or, that it was the first cycle straight after IVF and the bleed at day 17 was not a proper period. Well it cant have been either way!!
My head is spinning. The bleed is not good so trying not to get hopes up. Went to the doctors this morning and tipped the tests onto her desk and managed to mutter "I think im pregnant....how did that happen?" I had to do another test and then have a blood test. Having another test in two days time to see if HCG is rising and confirm whether it is a continuing pregnancy and hopefully estimate how far along.
Goodness goodness goodness me!!!!!
Friday 2 December 2011
Appointments, Mexico and Regressive Rebirth
I had my IVF follow up appointment today and they seemed quite positive still. On our last funded cycle we are doing the following:
- Upping the stimulant gonalF to 375 (we doubled it to 300 this time but still not many eggs)
- Taking the pill for 3 weeks before to try to get all eggs to respond evenly. I had about 10 possible follies at the start of this time but some never responded as a few shot ahead and so we had to go ahead and trigger.
- The clinic is going to write to our GP, copying the PCT in, stating that their advice is to waive the 6 month wait as my response and egg reserve is like that of someone 10 years older and it will only get worse not better. We have to just wait and see what happens but if they say no then April 12th is the earliest we can start. If they say yes then its as soon as we want.
We are going on a super duper nice holiday to Mexico at the end of Jan so wouldnt be doing it then any way and im also working with my crystal therapist, Andy, on getting my eggs etc better. If it takes 3 months for eggs to come up to ovulation then what happens in the 2 months prior to an IVF cycle will apparently affect them. Therefore I want to be in the best place possible two months before we go for it. The earliest we would start again if we have the chance is end of February / beginning of March.
Andy has been researching the esoteric significance of ovary issues and has come up with interesting stuff. It has a lot to do with the thyroid and pituitary and he thinks that, seeing what he knows about me already as he has worked on me and I have done several courses with him, he can see it all coming together and making sense. There are some deep seated, long running issues that I obviously need to deal with that it has become apparent are holding me back. A lot of those issues are thought patterning and their consequences so perhaps fertility really is all the mind, in my case anyway!!!!!
So, we are trying something called regressive rebirth which I start next Tuesday. I'll write about that after the first session.
- Upping the stimulant gonalF to 375 (we doubled it to 300 this time but still not many eggs)
- Taking the pill for 3 weeks before to try to get all eggs to respond evenly. I had about 10 possible follies at the start of this time but some never responded as a few shot ahead and so we had to go ahead and trigger.
- The clinic is going to write to our GP, copying the PCT in, stating that their advice is to waive the 6 month wait as my response and egg reserve is like that of someone 10 years older and it will only get worse not better. We have to just wait and see what happens but if they say no then April 12th is the earliest we can start. If they say yes then its as soon as we want.
We are going on a super duper nice holiday to Mexico at the end of Jan so wouldnt be doing it then any way and im also working with my crystal therapist, Andy, on getting my eggs etc better. If it takes 3 months for eggs to come up to ovulation then what happens in the 2 months prior to an IVF cycle will apparently affect them. Therefore I want to be in the best place possible two months before we go for it. The earliest we would start again if we have the chance is end of February / beginning of March.
Andy has been researching the esoteric significance of ovary issues and has come up with interesting stuff. It has a lot to do with the thyroid and pituitary and he thinks that, seeing what he knows about me already as he has worked on me and I have done several courses with him, he can see it all coming together and making sense. There are some deep seated, long running issues that I obviously need to deal with that it has become apparent are holding me back. A lot of those issues are thought patterning and their consequences so perhaps fertility really is all the mind, in my case anyway!!!!!
So, we are trying something called regressive rebirth which I start next Tuesday. I'll write about that after the first session.
Tuesday 8 November 2011
Definitely all over
I just dont know what to do now? I cant help thinking that I will never have my own child and that perhaps donor eggs will be suggested. There is not much point trying another cycle for the following reasons:
1) I dont seem to have many follicles to start with, 8 or 9 at pre stimm scan - but my blood tests didnt indicate any issues;
2) I dont respond to the stimms very well - 3 eggs first time and 6 the second;
3) I dont have good egg quality - 1 embryo made it to a 2 day transfer first time and only 2 made it to 3 day transfer this time, none were great quality.
The only thing I can do is lose more weight.
To add insult to injury, the proceedures were so much worse this time. I was quite ill after the egg collection which I didnt even write about as I was trying to be positive. I was in a lot of pain in recovery which the consultants couldnt understand until they realised I was laying in a pool of blood. I was already quite dizzy and then reacted to the extra pain killers and was sick. Watching them inject the IV anti nausea drugs made my husband feel ill and he had to be taken outside.
It is worse this time as last time I could clearly see that it needed to not work - I had to do certain things with my life that I was missing etc and I wasnt actually in the right place then. But now I have sorted all that, come a long way in the last 10 months and still nothing.
Its just cruel. I feel empty and lost.
1) I dont seem to have many follicles to start with, 8 or 9 at pre stimm scan - but my blood tests didnt indicate any issues;
2) I dont respond to the stimms very well - 3 eggs first time and 6 the second;
3) I dont have good egg quality - 1 embryo made it to a 2 day transfer first time and only 2 made it to 3 day transfer this time, none were great quality.
The only thing I can do is lose more weight.
To add insult to injury, the proceedures were so much worse this time. I was quite ill after the egg collection which I didnt even write about as I was trying to be positive. I was in a lot of pain in recovery which the consultants couldnt understand until they realised I was laying in a pool of blood. I was already quite dizzy and then reacted to the extra pain killers and was sick. Watching them inject the IV anti nausea drugs made my husband feel ill and he had to be taken outside.
It is worse this time as last time I could clearly see that it needed to not work - I had to do certain things with my life that I was missing etc and I wasnt actually in the right place then. But now I have sorted all that, come a long way in the last 10 months and still nothing.
Its just cruel. I feel empty and lost.
Monday 7 November 2011
I think its all over
Nothing more to say.
Started spotting today and think its all over.
Im so upset :-(
Started spotting today and think its all over.
Im so upset :-(
Saturday 29 October 2011
2 Embies on Board
Well its all a waiting game now. Transfer was today and it definitely wasnt as expected.
Yesterday the embryologist called and 3 embryos were continuing to grow so transfer was booked in for today. When we arrived today they said that they have been around average quality all the way along but that one had been discounted this morning as it wasnt looking too good. The embryologist said that when he looked at them this morning he was not so sure about them but when he just took another look one of them wasnt looking so bad and was now a bit more promising.
He said he was thinking about putting two back (the PCT only allow women under 37 having a funded cycle to have one transferred regardless of how many attempts that have - I am 32) and the consultant agreed. I took this to mean that my chances werent good as he said they only do this in exceptional circumstances. However, I was encouraged by him saying that the good one looked better than first thing this morning. That gives me little bit of hope but I never even contemplated walking away from the clinic today with two embryos!
The second surprise, though that makes it sound like a good thing, was that the transfer was really traumatic. The hole in my cervix was really tight and they had trouble getting the catheter in. This meant it was really painful as they had to put something in to expand it first before they could transfer the embryos. I couldnt help but cry and couldnt look at the screen when they showed us the embryos as I was just trying to breath!.
I never expected this to be a problem as last time it was fine. I was more worried last time as I knew they had issues when doing my HSG (see here for post) but the consultant did a mock transfer during egg collection and it was fine.
Yesterday the embryologist called and 3 embryos were continuing to grow so transfer was booked in for today. When we arrived today they said that they have been around average quality all the way along but that one had been discounted this morning as it wasnt looking too good. The embryologist said that when he looked at them this morning he was not so sure about them but when he just took another look one of them wasnt looking so bad and was now a bit more promising.
He said he was thinking about putting two back (the PCT only allow women under 37 having a funded cycle to have one transferred regardless of how many attempts that have - I am 32) and the consultant agreed. I took this to mean that my chances werent good as he said they only do this in exceptional circumstances. However, I was encouraged by him saying that the good one looked better than first thing this morning. That gives me little bit of hope but I never even contemplated walking away from the clinic today with two embryos!
The second surprise, though that makes it sound like a good thing, was that the transfer was really traumatic. The hole in my cervix was really tight and they had trouble getting the catheter in. This meant it was really painful as they had to put something in to expand it first before they could transfer the embryos. I couldnt help but cry and couldnt look at the screen when they showed us the embryos as I was just trying to breath!.
I never expected this to be a problem as last time it was fine. I was more worried last time as I knew they had issues when doing my HSG (see here for post) but the consultant did a mock transfer during egg collection and it was fine.
Anyway, enough of the negative. Im now looking after them for as long as possible and trying to keep positive for the next few weeks.
Thursday 27 October 2011
Egg collection went well
Egg collection was yesterday. It went well and we got 6. Just had the call from the embryologist to say only 4 of the 6 were mature but that all of those have fertilised. Cant ask for better than that and its 4 times better than last time so very pleased.
Will update tomorrow when we get the call to see how they are all doing,
Will update tomorrow when we get the call to see how they are all doing,
Friday 21 October 2011
My IVF Drugs
The drugs side of things does seem to be a bit of a palava this time round so I though I would share a picture with you...
Tuesday 18 October 2011
What on earth is an arcuate uterus?
Had second scan today and there is an improvement on the response from the last cycle so things are looking up. Still not great but there are 5 follicles around 15mm and 4 hovering around the 10mm mark which hopefully should catch up. Im only on day 5 of stimms so I have a bit left to go.
I was also told that I have an arcuate uterus. Yep, I had no idea either. The top part apparently dips down a bit and depending on the degree of dip into the uterus can cause fertility problems. I was told by my ever so communicative consultant that mine was "a variant of normal and so it is not a significant issue". However, he only told me that after rabbiting on about an operation and the uterus not forming properly, various measurements etc etc. I dont think he had any idea how worried he was making me!
I have a spa day booked tomorrow with a friend and am looking forward to that. Perfect timing to have something relaxing to look forward to.
Thursday 13 October 2011
All set to go - round 2!
Has first scan yesterday and got the go ahead to start on friday. So glad that I dont have to down regulate first, but it means that it all happens so quickly. I am already booked in for Egg Collection in 2 weeks time on the 28th October.
So, start injecting Friday and 2nd scan is on Tuesday, fingers crossed!
I had 10 follicles sitting ready and they have doubled my dose of Gonal-F from last time in an attempt to motivate them to do something! In fact the consultant said "Lets see how many of those we can recruit this time"; I liked the idea of that!
I understand doubling the dose is a bit naughty and against the rules the PCT set for funded patients under 35. Im only supposed to have 150IU apparantly but they seem to think that might be a waste of time for me since I only stimulated 4 follicles last time and so 300IU is justified.
Tuesday 11 October 2011
Heron Poo
This is why I am losing my mind...
When driving home on Friday I saw a heron flying past. As it came close it dropped its load, so to speak, and heron poo splattered my windscreen.
Stupid as I am, I thought that it might be some kind of sign; like a stork dropping a baby and that perhaps we wouldnt have to go through IVF after all as by some miracle I would be pregnant before hand.
They should lock me up right now!!! :-)
Friday 23 September 2011
Feeling anxious about staying relaxed
Crazy isnt it!?!
I am now finding myself being anxious about trying to relax and not think about the whole IVF thing in an attempt to get my body to work in a timely fashion this month so we can get started. Ahhhhhh!!!
At least I know that for me, any physical, emotional or mental stress interferes with my hormones and consequently my cycles and ability to ovulate. So no doubt also has a massive effect on whether I can conceive or not. Im doomed!
I can completely see why people say to stop trying and it will happen - i.e. no longer stressed about it. But in practice that is absolutely impossible. Its like giving up on a dream. If you think there is a chance then of course you are going to try. I cant imagine how you can stop trying. After IVF failed the last time, I definitely relaxed a great deal about it for the last 9 months, buts its always at the back of your mind. You cant stop watching your cycles.
I think the only way you can truy relax about it is if you have been told it is impossible and so there is then no point trying. Or it has gone on for so long, you really have accepted that its not going to happen and move on to alternatives such as adoption.
So, to think positively, I am trying to eliminate stress for the next two months, though its easier said than done. I have actually told my line manager this time and she seems quite supportive and understands I need to scale things back a bit. I will climb no mountains, I learnt my lesson last month! And I will try not to engage in anything that could be emotionally challenging, not sure how yet though.
Fingers crossed!
I am now finding myself being anxious about trying to relax and not think about the whole IVF thing in an attempt to get my body to work in a timely fashion this month so we can get started. Ahhhhhh!!!
At least I know that for me, any physical, emotional or mental stress interferes with my hormones and consequently my cycles and ability to ovulate. So no doubt also has a massive effect on whether I can conceive or not. Im doomed!
I can completely see why people say to stop trying and it will happen - i.e. no longer stressed about it. But in practice that is absolutely impossible. Its like giving up on a dream. If you think there is a chance then of course you are going to try. I cant imagine how you can stop trying. After IVF failed the last time, I definitely relaxed a great deal about it for the last 9 months, buts its always at the back of your mind. You cant stop watching your cycles.
I think the only way you can truy relax about it is if you have been told it is impossible and so there is then no point trying. Or it has gone on for so long, you really have accepted that its not going to happen and move on to alternatives such as adoption.
So, to think positively, I am trying to eliminate stress for the next two months, though its easier said than done. I have actually told my line manager this time and she seems quite supportive and understands I need to scale things back a bit. I will climb no mountains, I learnt my lesson last month! And I will try not to engage in anything that could be emotionally challenging, not sure how yet though.
Fingers crossed!
Wednesday 31 August 2011
I walked up a mountain and then failed to ovulate
Doh doh and doh again!
I was gearing up to start in September and it was all going so well until.. I walked up Snowdon. I can only guess the physical stress meant my body protested and couldnt muster up the hormone peak to trigger ovulation. Therefore the big O didnt happen until day 29 and that means that we cant do it next cycle as hubby will be away for the weekend around the time of egg collection as he is starting a masters degree course!
I was gearing up to start in September and it was all going so well until.. I walked up Snowdon. I can only guess the physical stress meant my body protested and couldnt muster up the hormone peak to trigger ovulation. Therefore the big O didnt happen until day 29 and that means that we cant do it next cycle as hubby will be away for the weekend around the time of egg collection as he is starting a masters degree course!
Ahhhhh I knew as soon as he said he would be away for a weekend in September that it would cause problems. I have waited 9 months since the last attempt and had just psyched myself up to start again and Septemeber was fixed in my head. I was so upset. I dont know if I can bring myself to do it in October or whether to say forget the whole thing until next year!
So, rather than news of starting injections etc, I'll leave you with a picture of the view from the top of Snowdon (the highest mountain in Wales for those of you not from the UK!).
Tuesday 2 August 2011
Signed, sealed and ready to go.
Consent signing appointment went fine today. All forms are signed and all tests are now up to date and they confirmed that we will be doing the short protocol this time so no need for down regulating (yay). At least that means that the whole thing should be shorter.
All that we need to do now is ring on day 1 of next cycle and off we go! Im not sure if I feel optiistic yet or not? I guess it will start to seem more real once I start with the injections again and then it will all come flooding back!
We are going for a week away in a pretty little cottage in north Wales in a fortnights time so should have some relaxing time before it all starts. Hopefully that also means I wont be too stressed, ovulation wont be delayed and I might even have a reasonable length cycle; stranger things have happened!!!
All that we need to do now is ring on day 1 of next cycle and off we go! Im not sure if I feel optiistic yet or not? I guess it will start to seem more real once I start with the injections again and then it will all come flooding back!
We are going for a week away in a pretty little cottage in north Wales in a fortnights time so should have some relaxing time before it all starts. Hopefully that also means I wont be too stressed, ovulation wont be delayed and I might even have a reasonable length cycle; stranger things have happened!!!
Friday 1 July 2011
Gearing up for IVF round 2!
Here we go again... im getting things ready for IVF#2!
I feel I have come such a long way since I embarked on the first IVF cycle and im finally ready to start thinking about the next one. We are planning on trying again in September so have called the fertility clinic to check what the proceedure is. Some of our tests need to be redone so hubby and I went to the doctors this morning to arrange blood tests etc (a thought that hubby is particularly not happy about as he is not keen on needles). We have an appointement at the fertility clinic in August to sign consent forms etc before we go away on hoilday for a week. It should work out that we start pretty soon after our holiday and at least I will be doing a short IVF protocol so it will, hopefully, all go much quicker!
To mark the fact that I feel like a different person with a fresh outlook on things, I have treated my blog to a makeover! Hopefully, this gives it a new a positive vibe!
I feel I have come such a long way since I embarked on the first IVF cycle and im finally ready to start thinking about the next one. We are planning on trying again in September so have called the fertility clinic to check what the proceedure is. Some of our tests need to be redone so hubby and I went to the doctors this morning to arrange blood tests etc (a thought that hubby is particularly not happy about as he is not keen on needles). We have an appointement at the fertility clinic in August to sign consent forms etc before we go away on hoilday for a week. It should work out that we start pretty soon after our holiday and at least I will be doing a short IVF protocol so it will, hopefully, all go much quicker!
To mark the fact that I feel like a different person with a fresh outlook on things, I have treated my blog to a makeover! Hopefully, this gives it a new a positive vibe!
Saturday 7 May 2011
Still here!
I thought that it was time that I wrote a little update and let you know that im still around! I hope everyone is ok, im doing fine. Still no BFP but im ok with that. The six month wait to be able to do another funded NHS cycle is nearly up and, if we wanted to, we could start on my next cycle. But, I actually dont think I do. That seems strange but I hope that that is the right thing to do.
Im settling into the new course I have started and it had made me realise just how much trying for a baby had taken over my life. Its now time I started living a little and im having a great time working with my crystals and new energy therapies. My website is evolving and I even have my own facebook page if anyone wants to take a look www.facebook.com/TranquilityCrystals
I dont know how I feel about going through IVF again. Of course I hope that we wont have to, but we have decided, for now anyway, to leave it until January next year. That seems ages away but I feel like I need a good gap so im not forever thinking about it.
Thats it for now, short and sweet!
xx
Im settling into the new course I have started and it had made me realise just how much trying for a baby had taken over my life. Its now time I started living a little and im having a great time working with my crystals and new energy therapies. My website is evolving and I even have my own facebook page if anyone wants to take a look www.facebook.com/TranquilityCrystals
I dont know how I feel about going through IVF again. Of course I hope that we wont have to, but we have decided, for now anyway, to leave it until January next year. That seems ages away but I feel like I need a good gap so im not forever thinking about it.
Thats it for now, short and sweet!
xx
Sunday 13 February 2011
Time for a turnaround
After wallowing for a little while about how rubbish my eggs are I came to realise that in fact my IVF cycle didnt fail. The IVF was never about making a baby, it was about putting an end to the last two years of TTC obsessions and letting me move on. Seeing the consultant set me back a little until I realised that though a new life was not conceived in the form of a little developing embryo, I did conceive a new life for myself and it was a long time coming. I temporarily forgot my little burst of creativity the day that I found out it hadnt worked. A lot happened that day and I turned around as a person.
The last few months have been a real development phase as all the parts of this new life start to form. However, instead of the formation of tiny bud like limbs, a life supporting placenta and a small but perfect beating heart, there has been the creation of a new venture, a website, an associated blog, and I have signed up to a particularly challenging and demanding course on Higher Dimensional Healing.
This course will compliment the work I have done so far with crystal healing and meditation and will require strict discipline in the form of daily meditation and a great deal of study. It is the leap that I have been needing to take and finally the time is right. It starts in march and lasts six months, ending on the 28th August which coincidentally would have been my due date if we had have got pregnant!
I hope to blossom over these nine months and to give birth to a new person who is ready and equipped to deal with the world. This blog may go a little quiet in the meantime, but you never know, through rebalancing myself, things just may fall into place!
The last few months have been a real development phase as all the parts of this new life start to form. However, instead of the formation of tiny bud like limbs, a life supporting placenta and a small but perfect beating heart, there has been the creation of a new venture, a website, an associated blog, and I have signed up to a particularly challenging and demanding course on Higher Dimensional Healing.
This course will compliment the work I have done so far with crystal healing and meditation and will require strict discipline in the form of daily meditation and a great deal of study. It is the leap that I have been needing to take and finally the time is right. It starts in march and lasts six months, ending on the 28th August which coincidentally would have been my due date if we had have got pregnant!
I hope to blossom over these nine months and to give birth to a new person who is ready and equipped to deal with the world. This blog may go a little quiet in the meantime, but you never know, through rebalancing myself, things just may fall into place!
Monday 24 January 2011
Follow up appointment
I had my follow up appointment today after our failed IVF cyle and it appears that I defy all the trends!
I was told that my age suggests that I should respond well as I am still young, by that they mean under 35, and that is why I was given a low dose of the stimulant. In addition having longer cycles suggests a high ovarian reserve and again therefore I should respond well. These factors combined meant that early on in my notes they mention I should proceed with caution as there is a high chance I will over respond.
Ha, well that didnt happen as I had a grand total of 3 eggs! The consultant didnt really understand why this was. The quality was also poor which he said can happen not only when someone overstimulates and produces too many eggs but also when someone under stimulates. I had never heard of this before but he is the expert. He thinks poor egg quality could explain the low fertilisation rate. Hubby's swimmers were apparently tip top and when he said this you could see the macho exchange of glances between hubby and the consultant. Whilst this is good it also felt like a bit of a kick in the teeth, just to rub in the fact that my contribution to the whole process was more than crap.
As far as doing things differently next time, we made it clear that I cant take the same down regulating drug as, though I can handle all the physical symptoms, it made my mental state very dangerous and hubby is concerned about how I started obsessing about suicide. As an aside, I find it strange that my mind went that way; the aim was to create a new life not to try and put an end to one! Kind of ironic.
I am pleased to say that he agreed the side effects of the suprecur were too dangerous for me and said he would put me on a short protocol which is normally used for older women who generally have a low ovarian reserve and are poor responders. It also means I dont have to down regulate and so avoid the suprecur.
I dont really know how I feel after all of this except that I now feel I have the eggs of an old woman rather than a 31 year old; great. Anyway, after every negative there is a positive so I am sure I shall pick myself up shortly!
I was told that my age suggests that I should respond well as I am still young, by that they mean under 35, and that is why I was given a low dose of the stimulant. In addition having longer cycles suggests a high ovarian reserve and again therefore I should respond well. These factors combined meant that early on in my notes they mention I should proceed with caution as there is a high chance I will over respond.
Ha, well that didnt happen as I had a grand total of 3 eggs! The consultant didnt really understand why this was. The quality was also poor which he said can happen not only when someone overstimulates and produces too many eggs but also when someone under stimulates. I had never heard of this before but he is the expert. He thinks poor egg quality could explain the low fertilisation rate. Hubby's swimmers were apparently tip top and when he said this you could see the macho exchange of glances between hubby and the consultant. Whilst this is good it also felt like a bit of a kick in the teeth, just to rub in the fact that my contribution to the whole process was more than crap.
As far as doing things differently next time, we made it clear that I cant take the same down regulating drug as, though I can handle all the physical symptoms, it made my mental state very dangerous and hubby is concerned about how I started obsessing about suicide. As an aside, I find it strange that my mind went that way; the aim was to create a new life not to try and put an end to one! Kind of ironic.
I am pleased to say that he agreed the side effects of the suprecur were too dangerous for me and said he would put me on a short protocol which is normally used for older women who generally have a low ovarian reserve and are poor responders. It also means I dont have to down regulate and so avoid the suprecur.
I dont really know how I feel after all of this except that I now feel I have the eggs of an old woman rather than a 31 year old; great. Anyway, after every negative there is a positive so I am sure I shall pick myself up shortly!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)