Doctors appointment

So, I went along and repeated my day21 progesterone test and hubby did another "sample". We went to go and see the doctor today to get the results.

My blood test was not conclusive that I ovulated but I pointed out that I have had a particularly stressful month and think I only ovulated 1 day before the test so we are repeating that, again, on friday which should give a better result.

Hubbys sperm sample showed no improvement and we are going ahead with a referral to a fertility specialist. She talked about possible IUI or even ICSI due to the sperm morphology but we will have to see. That is good news in a way as we may get somewhere now but it means that I have to have more tests before the referral so that we go armed with all the tests results.

The doctor did say that we should get an appointment letter through the post by the end of the week. Lets hope that its not too far away.

Regarding stress at work, I spoke to her about how I wasnt sleeping and she asked if we were sure that having a baby now was the right thing to do!!! She did suggest taking up the offer of anappointment with occupational health at work though so I may do that. I dont want them to say that im not capable of doing my job though, thats not the best thingto have on your record when you know that redundancies are being considered!!!!

Visualisation

I thought that I would write out the visualisation that I am doing (well trying to do) everyday. It is taken mainly from the hynofertility book that I bought but I have tweaked it slightly as I felt a bit silly using some of the wording. Ok here goes, no laughing now....

First relax in a quiet place and take a few deep breaths. On each exhale, breath out all the tension in my body. When relaxed I work through the following visualisation:

"It is easy for me to get pregnant. I will fall pregnant at my next ovulation. My plentiful fertile cervical fluid directs healthy sperm to swim freely through my cervix. Once they have swum through they easily find my fallopian tubes and make their way through, eagerly awaiting the arival of my egg.

My oestrogen levels soar and I easily release a perfect and healthy egg. This is swept up into my fallopian tube where it is greeted by lots of healthy sperm. A single, perfect and healthy sperm penetrates the egg and successfuly fertilises it (see sparks flying and fireworks going off!).

The fertilised egg makes its way freely down the falopian tube to the uterus. It reaches the uterus and nestles itself cosily into the thick lining of the uterine wall. Here, it attaches itself and my body starts producing the pregnancy hormone HCG.

The placenta develops and takes over providing nourishment for my baby. As the baby grows inside me, my tummy grows and I have a happy and healthy pregnancy. I go on to have a safe and stressfree home waterbirth and finally hold my perfect and healthy baby in my arms."

Update on my list of positive things

So, I had a to do list on my last post and this is how I have been doing...

1. Start again with my visualisations - not so good with this one...must try harder
2. Redoing blood tests - been to docs and tried mentioning that I think my luteal phase is too short (9-10 days) and she didnt understand and thought I was worried about ovulating. Gave in and agreed to have day 21 progesterone test repeated.
3. Hubby doing his test again in 2 days time
4. More meditation to reduce stress - hmmm, not started that one yet but have booked friday off to relax and go to accupuncture appointment
5. Diet - that lapsed too after a weekend camping. Did well again today until I came home and ate 3 chocolate brownies!! Doh.

Fresh start, again, and a sprinkling of positivity!!!

Ok then, so the first month of positive thinking and visualisation didnt go so well. I gave it a good go though and it was my first try.

This month, im determined things will go more smoothly and im taking a proactive approach. I will therefore do the following:

1. Start again with my visualisations (as I lapsed with them when work got me down)
2. I will see the doctor again to re-do my blood tests (no harm in being prepared in case things dont work out naturally)
3. Hubby will repeat his, erm, analysis as it has been 3 months since the last
4. I will do more meditation in an attempt to be less stresed
5. I will continue with the diet I started after being filmed at work and discovered how awfull I looked on TV!! (I lost 6lbs in the first week!!! woo hoo!!!)

I feel that is a positive step and can only do my best!

Positive thinking is disappearing fast

Well, I was positive to begin with this time round.
Then ovulation messed up and was delayed.
Then I started to resent the actual act of "trying" and couldnt find the enthusiasm to keep going when I had no idea when I would ovulate.
Then I eventually ovulated and we only gave it a try on one day... one day!!!! when previously we were everyday for 6 days!!!
And now my temps are down indicating a short luteal phase of 9 days...again!! I know thats too short to give any little eggy a chance.
I feel my body is at war with the idea of creating a new life.
I feel my positivity draining fast