Oh the irony...

It took me no less than 8 whole months, and two trips to A&E when things went wrong, to wean myself off the combination of antidepressants that I was taking so that I would be on a safe level, or no medication at all, when we got pregnant. Since then I have fought my GP and various psychiatrists and psychologists when they advise that I should be on medication every time I wobbled.

Instead, I have worked hard with Andy, my crystal friend, to strengthen myself inside and develop my understanding of myself, how I am and how I react within this world. I owe Andy a lot as he has metaphysically pulled me back to this world when I have quite literally been away with the fairies.

Obvioulsy, a contributing factor to my ups and downs over the last two years has been the, quite rightly named, emotional rollercoaster that comes with trying to conceive (TTC).  However, now we have moved onto IVF and there is a real chance of success I find that one side effect of the drugs I must take is a reccurrance of depression.

Its been 11 days taking suprecur injections and I feel im losing myself. That coupled with the trouble sleeping is not helping but I dont know if thats directly the suprecur or indirectly due to my fuzzy head. It was 3.30am the last time I looked at the clock last night after I tried sleeping in the spare room at 1am and then down on the sofa at 2am with not much more on the tv but a bizzare film about teenage lesbians who like swiming.

I find it so ironic that Hubby and I have discussed whether we need to stop this cycle. I read that the side effects lessen when you start the stimulating injections but I have no idea of when that will be. This treatment cycle is only for a finite period of time of course and I have to hang on to the fact that it is a means to an end. I just need to work hard on making sure my head doesnt spiral too far down in the meantime.