So what is really stopping me from getting pregnant? Why cant I be certain that "this month will be it" and be 100% certain that things will work in the way that I could be so certain of what the fertility specialist would say or that my HSG would be clear or that I would find the right job?
There is always some element of doubt in my mind. Its only natural - its self preservation isnt it? If you were to be so certain that something would happen you are surely setting yourself up for a big fall if the outcome is not as expected. I liken it to exams. At the time you might do your best and may be pleased as you are certain you will get good results. But nearer to results day you start doubting yourself and start preparing yourself in case you didnt do so well. That way you are prepared for whatever result you get.
However, where this analogy differs is that in an exam, once you have written your exam paper, you have no further influence over the result. When trying to conceive, what if this little sliver of doubt that I carry deep within me is enough for my body to put up some kind of block to actually letting it happen.
I tell myself that there could be some medical reason that I dont yet know about? Then it wouldnt matter how positive I was being or how concrete my thoughts, it would simply be a matter of the odds being against us. Or would it? We have had all the basic tests so I know its nothing obvious. There is actually no medical reason for us not being successful, especially when we go for IUI as that will pick out the best swimmers!
I must stop preparing myself for failure and start looking forward to success. This will work, I just have to start believing it.
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