An absolute mind and concrete thoughts

I have written a lot about factual events etc over the past few months but have been thinking a lot about how I may have been affecting things.

I was quite impressed with how adamant my mindset was that certain things would happen following our fertility specialist appointment. In my mind I simply would not entertain the idea that he might not have recommended IUI providing my tubes were clear. It just wasnt going to happen any other way despite being warned by my accupuncturist and friends on a support forum.

The next event I was adamant would happen was fitting in the HSG scan despite the nurse asking me to wait and arrange it for my next cycle as there is only one person who does the procedure and there is only a 5 day window etc etc. I was having none of it and called the x-ray department to try my luck. Bingo, they had a slot the next day. Perfect.

During the procedure, there were difficulties and they were about to give up. In my head I felt myself asking someone, something, anyone, for a helping hand to find a way to do this procedure without having to make a further appointment to have it done in theatre under anaesthetic. That would mess up my timescale and I was on a roll, everything was slotting into place and the timing all felt right. I wasnt asking a god or anything but almost opening the situation up to the universe to help find a solution. Something worked as the radiographer came up with an idea to improvise using a completely different piece of equipment. The procedure was completed and tubes were clear, which I just had a feeling would be the case.

Is this concrete thinking whereby I have no room for waivering thoughts or negtive thinking contributing to make events to go ahead??

I have read a lot about the law of cause and effect recently and that energy follows thought-form; if you completely belive something will happen, with absolutely no room for doubt, it will happen. The only other time I have had an absolute mind about something was when looking for a job 3 years ago. I had left my old job after 6 months being off sick due to severe depression but was being helped by studying a 2 year crystal therapy course which was every other monday. I now wanted to return to work but realised that I may find it difficult to find a job where I could take a day off every fortnight!!! But then I found myself visualising those negative thoughts like a stream of energy and holding my hand up to stop them in their tracks as if to say a big fat NO! Each time I worried about finding a job and continuing the crystal course I used the same visualisation. I soon came across a council website which was advertising the exact job I wanted, of which the closing date was a few days away. I applied, got the job, and used annual leave and flexi days to continue my course. Perfect.

Its now dawning on me that perhaps I have to use this absolute and concrete thought process to help in our quest to become parents. I doubt myself too much. I have worried since I was 20 about not being able to have children and how devastated I would be. Why did I do that? I had no reason?

I also wonder whether this was all some grand plan to stall things and that perhaps previously I wasnt ready to have a baby, but thats another post.

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