Heron Poo

This is why I am losing my mind...

When driving home on Friday I saw a heron flying past. As it came close it dropped its load, so to speak, and heron poo splattered my windscreen.

Stupid as I am, I thought that it might be some kind of sign; like a stork dropping a baby and that perhaps we wouldnt have to go through IVF after all as by some miracle I would be pregnant before hand.

They should lock me up right now!!! :-)

Feeling anxious about staying relaxed

Crazy isnt it!?!

I am now finding myself being anxious about trying to relax and not think about the whole IVF thing in an attempt to get my body to work in a timely fashion this month so we can get started. Ahhhhhh!!!

At least I know that for me, any physical, emotional or mental stress interferes with my hormones and consequently my cycles and ability to ovulate. So no doubt also has a massive effect on whether I can conceive or not. Im doomed!

I can completely see why people say to stop trying and it will happen - i.e. no longer stressed about it. But in practice that is absolutely impossible. Its like giving up on a dream. If you think there is a chance then of course you are going to try. I cant imagine how you can stop trying. After IVF failed the last time, I definitely relaxed a great deal about it for the last 9 months, buts its always at the back of your mind. You cant stop watching your cycles. 

I think the only way you can truy relax about it is if you have been told it is impossible and so there is then no point trying. Or it has gone on for so long, you really have accepted that its not going to happen and move on to alternatives such as adoption.

So, to think positively, I am trying to eliminate stress for the next two months, though its easier said than done.  I have actually told my line manager this time and she seems quite supportive and understands I need to scale things back a bit. I will climb no mountains, I learnt my lesson last month! And I will try not to engage in anything that could be emotionally challenging, not sure how yet though.

Fingers crossed!

I walked up a mountain and then failed to ovulate

Doh doh and doh again!

I was gearing up to start in September and it was all going so well until.. I walked up Snowdon. I can only guess the physical stress meant my body protested and couldnt muster up the hormone peak to trigger ovulation. Therefore the big O didnt happen until day 29 and that means that we cant do it next cycle as hubby will be away for the weekend around the time of egg collection as he is starting a masters degree course!

Ahhhhh I knew as soon as he said he would be away for a weekend in September that it would cause problems. I have waited 9 months since the last attempt and had just psyched myself up to start again and Septemeber was fixed in my head. I was so upset. I dont know if I can bring myself to do it in October or whether to say forget the whole thing until next year!

So, rather than news of starting injections etc, I'll leave you with a picture of the view from the top of Snowdon (the highest mountain in Wales for those of you not from the UK!).

Signed, sealed and ready to go.

Consent signing appointment went fine today. All forms are signed and all tests are now up to date and they confirmed that we will be doing the short protocol this time so no need for down regulating (yay). At least that means that the whole thing should be shorter.

All that we need to do now is ring on day 1 of next cycle and off we go! Im not sure if I feel optiistic yet or not? I guess it will start to seem more real once I start with the injections again and then it will all come flooding back!

We are going for a week away in a pretty little cottage in north Wales in a fortnights time so should have some relaxing time before it all starts. Hopefully that also means I wont be too stressed, ovulation wont be delayed and I might even have a reasonable length cycle; stranger things have happened!!!

Gearing up for IVF round 2!

Here we go again... im getting things ready for IVF#2!

I feel I have come such a long way since I embarked on the first IVF cycle and im finally ready to start thinking about the next one. We are planning on trying again in September so have called the fertility clinic to check what the proceedure is. Some of our tests need to be redone so hubby and I went to the doctors this morning to arrange blood tests etc (a thought that hubby is particularly not happy about as he is not keen on needles). We have an appointement at the fertility clinic in August to sign consent forms etc before we go away on hoilday for a week. It should work out that we start pretty soon after our holiday and at least I will be doing a short IVF protocol so it will, hopefully, all go much quicker!

To mark the fact that I feel like a different person with a fresh outlook on things, I have treated my blog to a makeover! Hopefully, this gives it a new a positive vibe!

Still here!

I thought that it was time that I wrote a little update and let you know that im still around! I hope everyone is ok, im doing fine. Still no BFP but im ok with that. The six month wait to be able to do another funded NHS cycle is nearly up and, if we wanted to, we could start on my next cycle.  But, I actually dont think I do. That seems strange but I hope that that is the right thing to do.

Im settling into the new course I have started and it had made me realise just how much trying for a baby had taken over my life. Its now time I started living a little and im having a great time working with my crystals and new energy therapies. My website is evolving and I even have my own facebook page if anyone wants to take a look www.facebook.com/TranquilityCrystals

I dont know how I feel about going through IVF again. Of course I hope that we wont have to, but we have decided, for now anyway, to leave it until January next year. That seems ages away but I feel like I need a good gap so im not forever thinking about it.

Thats it for now, short and sweet!
xx

Time for a turnaround

After wallowing for a little while about how rubbish my eggs are I came to realise that in fact my IVF cycle didnt fail. The IVF was never about making a baby, it was about putting an end to the last two years of TTC obsessions and letting me move on. Seeing the consultant set me back a little until I realised that though a new life was not conceived in the form of a little developing embryo, I did conceive a new life for myself and it was a long time coming.  I temporarily forgot my little burst of creativity the day that I found out it hadnt worked. A lot happened that day and I turned around as a person.

The last few months have been a real development phase as all the parts of this new life start to form. However, instead of the formation of tiny bud like limbs, a life supporting placenta and a small but perfect beating heart, there has been the creation of a new venture, a website, an associated blog, and I have signed up to a particularly challenging and demanding course on Higher Dimensional Healing.

This course will compliment the work I have done so far with crystal healing and meditation and will require strict discipline in the form of daily meditation and a great deal of study. It is the leap that I have been needing to take and finally the time is right. It starts in march and lasts six months, ending on the 28th August which coincidentally would have been my due date if we had have got pregnant!

I hope to blossom over these nine months and to give birth to a new person who is ready and equipped to deal with the world.  This blog may go a little quiet in the meantime, but you never know, through rebalancing myself, things just may fall into place!