It's the season to be jolly..

... but I find it the hardest time of the year, particularly this year, and I wouldnt be surprised if I wasnt alone. I have had conversations recently with one of my 'real' friends and several 'online' friends who are in the same situation and so desperately want 2011 to be the year that they successfully get that longed for child. These conversations revolved around the fact that this is the time of year that we socialise more and are expected to visit people and be visited by others who unknowingly rub our noses in the fact that we have infertility problems.

We all know the situations: a new pregnancy announcement, a new birth announcement, a new scan picture or friends moaning about their children. However at this time of year its particularly difficult to hide yourself away from it all.  We havent told any of our family about our recent IVF, as we didnt need their questions or knowing looks or having to explain to them that we also failed at that. However, at Christmas the subject of children and grandchildren inevitably comes up and this time the excuses and trying to shrug off the subject was just that little bit harder. I just wanted to shout out that we HAVE tried, we did 7 weeks of drugs, 41 injections and several hospital procedures. But, I didnt. I smiled and I simply said "perhaps sometime".

I think we really need to be kinder to ourselves. We are not bad people for feeling jealous of the' fertiles' or for feeling hurt that it comes to them so easily. Do try and remember back to a time before you started trying to conceive and recall how you had no comprehension of how it felt to fail in the baby making department. I personally cringe at how many people I may have innocently asked "when are you going to have kids?" and for that I apologise to them all. I also do not feel angry at those that inadvertently put their foot in it without ever realising, as I was once that person too.

We cant expect any of our fertile friends or relatives to understand how it feels. The only way that they could possibly understand is to actually have gone through similar themselves and I dont wish that on any of them.

And lastly, I would like to wish my friends Giles and Caroline all the luck in the world for the IVF cycle that they have recently started.  Giles is the only 'real' person that I talk to in detail about these things after we discovered we were on a parallel journey during a chance discussion when working together almost a year ago. Since then I have always appreciated his advice and would hope to be able to class him as a friend now rather than a work colleague. Caroline, though I have not yet met you, your supportive comments on here have been a real comfort over the last couple of months and I would like nothing more than for this to work out for you.

Happy New Year, I really hope it proves to be fruitful for us all!