Its all over

Im upset but not as gutted as I thought I might be.

It has made me reassess things and I realise that, though I think im ready, I understand why it didnt work. I have been ignoring some other things that have been niggling at me and until I have sorted that I dont think my baby will join me in this world. Babies are wise and I think this one is just waiting for the right time. It knew better than me that the timing was just not yet right.

Its actually the kick up the bum that I needed and perhaps now I will find the courage to embark on something new that I have been toying with for a couple of years. It bugs me every six months or so when I get the realisation that I am lacking something spiritually and therefore do not feel fulfilled. I dont yet have an outlet for everything I have learnt and for sharing my understanding of the world and I feel that until I rectify that and in some way fulfill my purpose for being then that little baby will stay firmly in another plane.

Its quite true that if IVF had worked this time, I would easily have cast aside these niggles fooling myself that I was now complete.  In reality, I have other avenues to pursue and then the whole baby thing may fall into place.

So, I shall  re-start writing my book, I am in the process of constructing a website and I have just ordered some business cards. Im actually quite excited!