Definitely all over

I just dont know what to do now? I cant help thinking that I will never have my own child and that perhaps donor eggs will be suggested. There is not much point trying another cycle for the following reasons:


1) I dont seem to have many follicles to start with, 8 or 9 at pre stimm scan - but my blood tests didnt indicate any issues;

2) I dont respond to the stimms very well - 3 eggs first time and 6 the second;

3) I dont have good egg quality - 1 embryo made it to a 2 day transfer first time and only 2 made it to 3 day transfer this time, none were great quality.

The only thing I can do is lose more weight.
To add insult to injury, the proceedures were so much worse this time. I was quite ill after the egg collection which I didnt even write about as I was trying to be positive. I was in a lot of pain in recovery which the consultants couldnt understand until they realised I was laying in a pool of blood.  I was already quite dizzy and then reacted to the extra pain killers and was sick. Watching them inject the IV anti nausea drugs made my husband feel ill and he had to be taken outside.
 
It is worse this time as last time I could clearly see that it needed to not work -  I had to do certain things with my life that I was missing etc and I wasnt actually in the right place then. But now I have sorted all that, come a long way in the last 10 months and still nothing.

Its just cruel. I feel empty and lost.

I think its all over

Nothing more to say.
Started spotting today and think its all over.
Im so upset :-(

2 Embies on Board

Well its all a waiting game now. Transfer was today and it definitely wasnt as expected.

Yesterday the embryologist called and 3 embryos were continuing to grow so transfer was booked in for today. When we arrived today they said that they have been around average quality all the way along but that one had been discounted this morning as it wasnt looking too good. The embryologist said that when he looked at them this morning he was not so sure about them but when he just took another look one of them wasnt looking so bad and was now a bit more promising.

He said he was thinking about putting two back (the PCT only allow women under 37 having a funded cycle to have one transferred regardless of how many attempts that have - I am 32) and the consultant agreed. I took this to mean that my chances werent good as he said they only do this in exceptional circumstances.  However, I was encouraged by him saying that the good one looked better than first thing this morning. That gives me little bit of hope but I never even contemplated walking away from the clinic today with two embryos!

The second surprise, though that makes it sound like a good thing, was that the transfer was really traumatic. The hole in my cervix was really tight and they had trouble getting the catheter in. This meant it was really painful as they had to put something in to expand it first before they could transfer the embryos. I couldnt help but cry and couldnt look at the screen when they showed us the embryos as I was just trying to breath!.

I never expected this to be a problem as last time it was fine. I was more worried last time as I knew they had issues when doing my HSG (see here for post) but the consultant did a mock transfer during egg collection and it was fine.

Anyway, enough of the negative. Im now looking after them for as long as possible and trying to keep positive for the next few weeks.

Egg collection went well

Egg collection was yesterday. It went well and we got 6. Just had the call from the embryologist to say only 4 of the 6 were mature but that all of those have fertilised. Cant ask for better than that and its 4 times better than last time so very pleased.

Will update tomorrow when we get the call to see how they are all doing,

My IVF Drugs

The drugs side of things does seem to be a bit of a palava this time round so I though I would share a picture with you...

What on earth is an arcuate uterus?

Had second scan today and there is an improvement on the response from the last cycle so things are looking up. Still not great but there are 5 follicles around 15mm and 4 hovering around the 10mm mark which hopefully should catch up. Im only on day 5 of stimms so I have a bit left to go.

I was also told that I have an arcuate uterus. Yep, I had no idea either. The top part apparently dips down a bit and depending on the degree of dip into the uterus can cause fertility problems. I was told by my ever so communicative consultant that mine was "a variant of normal and so it is not a significant issue". However, he only told me that after rabbiting on about an operation and the uterus not forming properly, various measurements etc etc. I dont think he had any idea how worried he was making me!

I have a spa day booked tomorrow with a friend and am looking forward to that. Perfect timing to have something relaxing to look forward to.

All set to go - round 2!

Has first scan yesterday and got the go ahead to start on friday. So glad that I dont have to down regulate first, but it means that it all happens so quickly. I am already booked in for Egg Collection in 2 weeks time on the 28th October.

I had 10 follicles sitting ready and they have doubled my dose of Gonal-F from last time in an attempt to motivate them to do something! In fact the consultant said "Lets see how many of those we can recruit this time"; I liked the idea of that!

I understand doubling the dose is a bit naughty and against the rules the PCT set for funded patients under 35. Im only supposed to have 150IU apparantly but they seem to think that might be a waste of time for me since I only stimulated 4 follicles last time and so 300IU is justified.

So, start injecting Friday and 2nd scan is on Tuesday, fingers crossed!